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Lord of the Rings/Transcript
opens at the school playground. [[Chris Chuggy] is seen running off-camera, while we pan to see a billboard that reads: "The Great Fantini Magic Show". Kyle comes toward the billboard to read it] Kyle: "The Great Fantini Magic Show". Oh, this should be rich. pan to the right. Fanboy, wearing a magician's hat, is standing on a picnic table, performing magic tricks to an audience of kids. Kyle rins over to join them. We now focus on Fanboy Fanboy: scarf Now you see it, scarf disappear ''Now you don't. ''crowd gasps and cheers Chum Chum: then holds up scarves on a tray ''Ta-da! ''except Kyle applauds Okay, white stuff coming through. Kyle: Hmm. applaud Splendid, I can't wait to see where your doves come out of. Zing! Fanboy: Thank you, Thank you, and now for my final and grandest illusion, The brain-blowing, piddle-inspiring, $3.95 costing linking ring trick for beginners! Chum Chum: Ooh! pulls out two silver rings. He repeatedly attaches and detaches them. All except Kyle applauds Fanboy: Thank you, Thank you. Kyle: Oh, come now. Are you having a laugh? An infant could do that trick. Why, I was linking teething rings whilst my governess pushed me about in my pram. Fanboy: Oh-ho, Ladies and gentlemen, a skeptic. Chum Chum: Boo! Fanboy: What do you say? Shall I invite him to come up here and unlink the -- Kyle: to Fanboy and takes the rings Oh! Give me those. I'll show you how to unlink the -- while trying to disconnect the rings Okay, well, I just -- this stupid thing -- I -- no, that's not it. chainsaw Perhaps if I -- come apart, you filthy...my hands must be greasy. I was a bit liberal with the clotted cream on my mid-morning scone! to pull them apart with his teeth, but they pop out Queen mother! teeth wander back into his mouth I - I can't do it. Chum Chum: Magic! Kyle: Oh, get away. Chum Chum away You reek of egg salad. Fanboy: Thank you, thank you. Chum Chum: whistle All right, let's strike this set, people! Time is money! comes out of a closet and groans Kyle: I don't understand. I studied at the Milkweed Academy for Wizards. That trick should be child's play. Chum Chum: grunt Come on! a dove out of a hat No wonder this dove was in the town dump. Some other magician probably threw him out. Fanboy: I think we need to rinse out these scarves. They're getting a bit crusty. Kyle: Uhh...oh, Fanboy? Fanboy: Whom? Kyle: Ugh. I mean, The Great Fantini? You know, as I watched your show, I must say I was impressed, especially that ring trick. I was wondering how do you -- as a closet rolls by Chum Chum: Striking the set here, Kyle. Move it or lose it. Fanboy Hmm. away, and Kyle follows him Kyle: Yes, back to my initial line of inquiry. About that ring trick. Fanboy: Ah, yes, my ring trick. I bet you'd like to know the secret. Dollarnator: Your hat, sir. off Fanboy's hat Kyle: I must confess a certain curiosity. Fanboy: Well... throat, then whispers then I'll tell you. Kyle: giggling Yes? Yes? as he sees his reflection in a magic mirror Chum Chum: Mirrors! Kyle: Could you please -- covers him, making him cough Chum Chum: Smoke! Kyle: Do you mind?!? I'm trying to have a conversation! Chum Chum: And I'm trying to get this invisible lady to her dressing room. Right this way, Ginger. the invisible lady with him Kyle: So, Fantini, the ring trick. You were saying you'd tell me. Fanboy: Ah, yes, I'll tell you... puts his ear forward Kyle: Hmm? Fanboy: Why I can't tell you. A good magician never reveals his secrets. It is...the Magician's Cooooooode! Cooooooode! Kyle: and teleports in front of Fanboy Oh, that old thing. That's for old gray-bearded fuddy-duddies, not for you and I. We're the young generation. his eyebrow in the matter of Groucho Marx Fanboy: I'm sorry, Kyle. I'm not gonna tell you the secret. Kyle: Grr! teleports before F&C again Kyle: I'll tell you a secret! Fanboy: Kyle, I really don't need to hear -- Kyle: up a teddy bear I can't sleep a wink without my Admiral Fluffington. My teeth whistle when I breathe. through teeth, making a loud whistle sound through his braces Fanboy: Oh! Kyle: I like to chew my toenails. sole of left foot I fart fairies when I'm anxious. farts Fairy: And that's how fairies are born! Fanboy: Okay, did not need to know that. Kyle: Now, will you tell me the secret? Fanboy: I'm sorry, Kyle. I cannot. growls, then disappears. Later, at the Fanlair... Fanboy: Boy, this starter magic kit is the best thing we ever traded our lunch for. Chum Chum: Yeah, but I'm staaaarving! grumbles Maybe we can eat the rice from that rice trick? Fanboy: Sure, buddy. I'll just open it up, and -- Fanboy and Chum Chum: DAH! Kyle: at the rings, in the box Come apart, you filthy little -- oh, hello. This is awkward. Fanboy: Kyle Kyle, I told you for the last time, good magicians never -- Kyle: Reveal their secrets, I know. pause ''But no one said they can't ''trade their secrets for... out of Fanboy's arms and takes out his wand, halting F&C A magic wand? slowly waves the wand back and forth, as F&C sway along with it like snakes. They seem to be controlled by him Fanboy and Chum Chum: charmed Woooaaah! continue to sway. We now show Kyle Kyle: Now you teach me the ring trick, and I'll give you...the wand! starts to grab the wand, but draws his hand back Fanboy: Mm, I don't know. It's kind of just a skinny flashlight. Kyle: A skinny...WHAT?!? It's a staff of concentrated power. It could conjure riches, dispel demon, make the very earth beneath your feet bubble with MOLTEN LAVA!!! Fanboy: Ooh, lava. I guess I could take a few...pr-actice cuts. Kyle's wand with eyes closed, then starts to tingle AAAAAAHHHHHH! shoots through him as a light fog fills the room Kyle: Tell the secret! TELL...THE...SECRET. Fanboy: Ohhhhhhh. Chum Chum: Hey, Fanboy! Fanboy: go of wand, and light fog goes away Yeah? Chum Chum: Why do we need another pool of lava? lava pit out back We never use the one we have. Fanboy: Oh, yeah. Sorry, Kyle. No deal. Kyle: But...the SECRET!!! Fanboy: Boy, you're really not grasping this whole Magician's Code thing. Here, take my handy wallet-sized copy. The Great Fantini has committed it to memory. he says this, he puts a note in Kyle's hand What do you say, Chum Chum? Want to skip rocks and watch them melt? Chum Chum: Way ahead of you! laugh as they exit Kyle: Stupid Magician's Code! the note "A good magician never reveals his secrets, except to his assistant". the camera Yes. Or someone who looks like his assistant? laughter fairy from earlier flies by, transitioning the scene to the park. Kyle and Chum Chum are on the jungle gym sharing Frosty Freezy Freezes together Chum Chum: Boy, Kyle, it was nice of you to invite me for a pony ride. But where's the pony? Kyle: sneakily Oh, he'll be along any second. griffin comes down and takes Chum Chum away Chum Chum: Your pony's hooves are tearing my flesh! Kyle: Just give him a sugar cube and pat him on the beak. Chum Chum: Okay! the Fanlair... Fanboy: All right, "Hold the saw over belly crosswise." a knock at the door Ugh, why do people always knock when you're in the tub? walks to the door and opens it to reveal Chum Chum smiling cheesy at him, who gulps. "Chum Chum" is actually Kyle in disguise Fanboy: Uh, hey, Chum Chum. Why'd you knock? You live here. Kyle (as Chum Chum): I don't know. Fanboy: Wait a minute. I know what it is. You're not smiling! Come here, you! weird while tossing Kyle-Chum Chum, who laughs Come on, give me that smile. Now, there's the tinny grin I love. Hey, now that you're home, you can saw me in half. Kyle (as Chum Chum): Oh, ordinarily, I'd leap at the chance. However, perhaps it's time you taught me the secret to that ring trick. Fanboy: Oh. Well, you are my assistant. Chum titters Here you go. The rings and the instructions. Knock yourself out! Kyle (as Chum Chum): You mean all this time, there were instructions? to reach for the instructions, but the real Chum Chum walks in Chum Chum: FANBOY, STOP!!! Chum grumbles Fanboy: Chum Chum, don't interuppt. I am just about to give you this amazingly awesome secret. Chum Chum: That's not me! THAT'S KYLE DISGUISED AS ME!!!!! Fanboy: gasp Is this true? Kyle (as Chum Chum): That's preposterous. I'm Chum Chum, and, uh...that charlatan is Kyle pretending to be me. looks back and fourth between the two Chum Chums Chum Chum: Then this will prove he's an imposter. Kyle-Chum Chum If you are Chum Chum, what's your favorite snack? Kyle (as Chum Chum): Uh...crumpets and a spot of tea? Chum Chum: pause Oh, poo. That is my favorite snack. I guess you really are me! Kyle (as Chum Chum): Without a scintilla of doubt! Fanboy: Well, if you're him, that must mean you're really Kyle. Chum Chum: Oh! You're right! Then, I must be british! accent 'Ello, guv'nor! (Song: Fish and Chips) Chum Chum: Fish and chips, kidney pie Driving on the left, do-do-do! Fanboy and Chum Chum: Fish and chips, kidney pie Driving on the left! Fanboy: laughs Chum Chum, come listen to Kyle's funny voice. Chum Chum? Kyle (as Chum Chum): cackling I'm not Chum Chum, you fool! wand and becomes himself again I'm Kyle the Conjurer, and soon I will be Kyle the Ring-Unlinkererer...er. Fanboy: a moment, still thinks he's tricked Chum Chum, where you going with the rings? Kyle, did you know Chum Chum was magic? Chum Chum: accent Blimey! are defiant. On the roof... Kyle: onto roof and cackles Fanboy: and Chum Chum hop onto the roof Come back here! Chum Chum: Give it up, Kyle! Kyle: as he jumps onto the balcony Chum Chum: There's no way off this roof! Kyle: Did you really think I wouldn't have an escape plan? Come to daddy, my pet. griffin comes down. F&C are shocked. They both gasp Kyle: Ha, ha! Now, my griffin shall spirit me away to safety and -- Chum Chum laugh Huh? Chum Chum: Easy, Betty! as the griffin does a flip Fanboy: Ho, ho! Good girl! her a treat Kyle: I should have traded him in for that pre-owned hydra when I had the chance. griffin swats the rings and instructions away Kyle: The instructions! the rings! No! I've come too far! off the roof and grabs the rings. He looks down to see he's over the lava pit Oh, no. and Fanboy grabs him and pulls him up Fanboy: Hang on, Kyle! I'll pull you up! Kyle: No! I'd rather plummet to my demise than go on without knowing how to do that ring trick! Fanboy: That's crazy! You fall into lava just because you don't know how to rotate your rist a quarter turn, then gently pull?!? hand over mouth Oh, no! eyes get huge. He suddenly remembers what to do Kyle: You mean like this? his wrist a quarter pull, then pulls down, disconnecting the ring. He slowly falls downward Ha, ha. I did it! I truly am the lord of the rings! lava Oh, poo. look at the griffin. She flies down, rescues Kyle from the lava and carries him away, like in the [[Wizboy|pilot episode].] Kyle: Oh! Your talons are digging into my burns! Fanboy: You know, Chum Chum, Kyle's a good guy and all, but I don't think magic is his thing. expands the ring he's holding and brings it down, making he and Chum Chum disappear. The episode ends. Category:Transcripts